Live the life you love, love the life you live.
Happy First Birthday Marley Jo Geer. You share a birthday with your Grandma Teresa, and that means the world to me. A day that was once one of sadness has turned into one of the best days of my life. I can only imagine that this was her way of saying “I see you guys and I’m looking out for you.”
Some would argue that this was supposed to be one of the most challenging years of my life trying to care for a baby, a 2 year old, and a 3 year old. It certainly wasn’t a walk in the park, but after going through the “terrible two’s” twice now, and having a “threenager” I think maybe the next couple, or the teenage years, may give it a run for it’s money. Please, I’m begging you, take it easy on me.
Before this year I never really understood the saying “The days are long, but the years are short.” Really everything seemed so long, but this year has flown by in my mind. Maybe because everything was moving so fast. Your brother and sister always on the move, never ending work and tasks to be done around the farm or house, and you Marley, just seemed so completely content to be along for the ride. You have been the happiest baby.
You grab attention and hold it anywhere you go. From the time that you were a tiny baby you find and lock gazes with me or anyone you want attention from. A quality I hope you keep, but guard well as you grow. The world is a scary place my dear and I think that you will gather attention wherever you go. My dream for you is that you use that attention to make the world a better place.
This year we really found our village here. People went from close friends to family. They were all here for us. To help with your brother and sister when I needed a break 9 months pregnant, to keeping us going when you and your sister were in the hospital with pneumonia, even volunteering to brave all three of you so I could have an afternoon with your daddy. Life without them would have been much more challenging, and there wouldn’t have been as much fun or love. I’m so grateful you have so many people who love you and protect you.
And while I am so proud of myself for surviving this first year with all of us fairly unscathed, it is bittersweet for me.
I’m already missing our newborn days together, but watching you start to explore and be in command of your own choices is thrilling. You already know how to play. You love to zoooooommmm your cars just like your big brother, and cuddle and take care of your stuffed animals and babies just like your big sister. You adore water, playing in sand, and eating dirt (trying to anyways) and do the best Chris Farley impression.
I won’t feel a tiny human move inside my belly again. I won’t again know the anticipation of what a new baby will look like, or the giant decision of what in the world to name another human. But my body is mine again, and it can start to return to it’s own shape. No more exhaustion, food aversions, or body aches because growing another human inside you is a lot of work.
I can now leave a room for two minutes without worrying.
But you guys are more independent now and while I’ve longed for the tiniest amount of space, that space hurts just a little right around my heart.
Marley, may you be strong, independent, happy, always feel loved, and know how important it is to give love.