“Watch your thoughts, they become words. Watch your words, they become actions. Watch your actions, they become habits. Watch your habits, they become your character. Watch your character, it becomes your destiny” – Author unknown
This right here, today, is one of the hardest things I’ve ever done. 35 weeks pregnant trying to make it through the terrible twos with one babe, and cherish the end of baby hood with another. Keeping a farm running, and a business and life we’ve worked so hard to create, going. I know this is all just a drop in the bucket of hard times this life has in store for me. I know I’ll probably look back at this post tomorrow and say “What?! I had it easy!” This may be the most contrived post I’ve ever made. I’m complaining about having, and I feel a little ridiculous, but right now this is my world.
I also know that it’s a struggle that has so much waiting for me when (not if, if is not an option) I come out the other side. But right now as I lay here typing on my broken phone because all of these thoughts are streaming through my head and I need to get them out because I don’t want to lose them, I think “I really don’t want to be an adult tomorrow.”
I know we have all these people too. These great, amazing, generous people who have our backs. Who offer help and give support so freely and generously it brings tears to my eyes and gratitude to my heart every time I think about it. Shawn and I were talking about them today, how lucky we are, and how amazing they are.
I know I could call any one of them for help. But the moments I need help are flashes through the day. Moments of one babe running for the bathroom, while the other is standing on the counter, while I’m trying to cook lunch and am now too big to move fast enough, too hurt to be in three places at once. Changing ones diaper while the other is outside angry at me for not turning on the hose, so he wanders to the other side of the farm. And I curse myself for not calming him down first, not being able to run after him, not being able to carry his sister while I look for him. Those are the times I need to teleport one of our “people” in to help Caroline off the counter, and Gus to the potty. To cheer up the Gus, change the diaper, and let me cry on their shoulder, just for that moment.
But then it’s lunch, and nap, and during nap I need to work, and the day marches on. I guess that’s why I chose Shawn to be my partner. Because I couldn’t imagine doing this with anyone else. No one else can talk me down from the insane pregnancy emotions like Shawn can, (or incite them.)
He seems to swoop in at the perfect time and take some of my burden and adds it to the incredible load he’s already carrying. In just enough time to save my sanity, and let me sit on the couch for five minutes instead of rocking Caroline to sleep, who these days demands we walk her around outside before nap. A perfect metaphor for the little girl she’s turning out to be. Warm and bright like the sun she likes to sleep in, but wild and fierce like the wind that’s been blowing so strong here during this dry season.
And so here I sit, and the more I type and think, I come to the realization that though I’m tired and worn out, the world looks much different when I look at it from a different angle. I see what I have. We are so incredibly rich, and maybe I should just go to bed and look at things from new, better-rested eyes in the morning.
Before I do that though I will update ya’ll on what’s been happening on the farm and in our lives.
The pastures for the piglets is done! Finally, all the work Shawn has put in to it, is still putting into it, is finally paying off. The pigs go into the pasture in the morning, have breakfast for a few hours, go back to the trees for the sunniest part of the day, and have a potato/grain mix Shawn makes them for dinner.
They graze in an area for a week or so and then move to the next area. Each area is sectioned off with electric fence, and Shawn has trained them to follow him in and out of the pasture. It’s amazing to watch and they are all growing well.
L&S Artisan Meats has expanded to Quito. Right now we only make the trip once a month, the first trip started off slower than we were expecting, but word of mouth did its thing and this month has been much more successful. I hope the progress keeps up as it’s a much needed boost for us.
Business in Cotacachi has been as good as ever and also continues to grow. We’ve added salami to our product list, and we’ve had comments that it’s the best product we make.
Gus has become quite the wordsmith. He’s really jumped forward in leaps and bounds talking. Mostly English, but some Spanish, and understands both as far as I can tell. We are going through some growing pains learning to share and get along with others. Accepting when we tell him no. But he shows an incredible empathy towards others, especially his sister, and loves playing with her, and his “friends.” He’s potty trained (hallelujah) but in the process of that has decided clothing was for the birds.
What can I say about Caroline. I love this age. She’s a happy, bright, loving little thing. She wants to do what ever her brother wants to do, this includes “potty training.” A concept she thoroughly doesn’t get, yet insists on sitting on the toilet and avoiding her diaper and pants. It also includes harassing him at every possible opportunity. She’s got the “little sister” role down. She tries to jump, climbs on everything, loves to eat, and adores reading.